Saturday, July 25, 2009

Double Boyfriends

The Jones Brothers Cabana Boys grew up in Connecticut. They are not brothers, but they often say they are because they are both named Jones and enjoy weight lifting.
"It's ridiculous," I said, "to expect me to believe that when he just said you lived in Mainland."
"What's wrong with Mainland?" Alabaster asked.
"It's NOT in Connecticut!"
"Scranton, then." Beuford said, throwing up his hands.
"Don't even get me started on THAT made up place!" I shouted.
Many of you know I do not consider Scranton, Pennsylvania to be a real place, and even if I did that still doesn't put it in Connecticut. The Jones Brothers Cabana Boys are liars but they are bad liars which is almost like telling the truth if one is persistent enough, and I am.
After I explained my very illogical but never the less SOUND ideas on Scranton, Pennsylvania, The Jones Brothers Cabana Boys let me know they thought I should be their girlfriend. That suited me fine as I have always felt I should have more than one boyfriend. While we can all agree thirty is probably a more appropriate number, I am currently in the middle of several creative projects. Two is probably all I can handle. FYI two is less work than one.
Dating commenced at exactly 3:12 AM Saturday morning July 25th Year Of Our Lord 2009. This is both exciting and lackluster since they are clearly dating one another and merely taking advantage of my vanity in order to bask in the radiation of my advanced humor.
As we speak The Cabana Boys are doing what they mainly do, rubbing warm coconut lotion over one another and giggling. One nice thing is my mother no longer needs to worry about my finances. The Jones Cabana Boys are scented candle entrepreneurs. I suspect we shall be very happy together and smell candle wealthy for at least the next ten minutes. More if I buy them wine coolers.
"Don't get oil on my duvet, please," is what I always say. "I happen to find this brothers shtick disgusting."

I want to amend that The Jones Brothers Cabana Boys want to buy Bluetooth headsets tomorrow. What that amends I'm not sure but Al and Beu are convinced it will make them sound like professional scented candle start-uppers.
"We are serious," Al says, solemn as goth.
"Serious serious," Beu agrees.
I have been saying Beu's name and shooting people with a finger ray gun for the past hour. Beu! Beu! Beu! Beu!


Jimbob said...

This is great, Suzette. Sounds a little like that book about the crazy aliens that you loaned me. Dad

Bowen said...

My mental image of them is this.