Wait until your boss laughs. Are you a clone? Are they going to use your organs? How many organs have you given up? Keira Knightley is stuck in a Charles Dickens novel, Little Dorrit to be exact. Can you get her out? How many differences are there between a Charles Dickens and Jane Austen novel? Don't answer right away. Go back and capitalize your proper nouns.
I have been trying to imagine sexual positions involving an aspirin clenched tightly between one’s knees. Is this aspirin thing actually a metaphor for not having sex? Because I don’t think any of these potential sex positions could be deemed contraceptive.